grace & faith: Self love

For the past few days, I've been searching for the true meaning of happiness in my life. What is the meaning of 'happiness' itself actually?

I'm sure that everyone has their own definition of happiness in life. So do I. Honestly, as I am still a student that will be having my big exam soon, I need to study a lot la basically. Sometimes, I will feel demotivated too when it comes to studying.

But to be truly honest, when I started to push myself to my study table and study, I feel happier. And I'm so grateful for that feeling. When I started to understand better for the things that I studied, I'm truly happy. Really. It somehow makes me feel to study even more. Alhamdulillah ♡

The other thing that makes me happy is when I listen to music. Like what I'm doing right now! I'm listening to Blue & Grey by BTS while writing this honestly hehe. I really enjoy listening to music since I was a child. I don't know how to explain but music really has the own vibes that could make me feels I'm in a different world. And I love to explore the various vibes in music :)

I think happiness can be found when we really do the things that we should do and make it as something positive and enjoyable. It could be anything, such as doing house chores, studying, make our to-do list done, writing, watch aesthetic youtube videos, reading and etc.

It's just us, that forget to feed ourselves with our own true happiness.

We were too busy feeding ourselves with a lot of things without filtering the necessary ones. That was what I did back then. But for today, I'm happier than yesterday honestly since I got to make my to-do list done :) even this is the first day I did that (setelah lamanya tak begitu ikut my to-do list), I'm proud of myself though 😅

I really hope that I can make myself happier day by day. Personally, I think being happy is really important. Being 'happy' as in, happy in our own definition of happiness. You know why, when I feels biasa je; tak happy tak sedih, serious tak tahu nak buat apa. Rasa hati tak tenang. So, we should do something that can make ourselves happy and at the same time make us feel satisfied as well.

Hoping for a more blessed and lovely day ahead for everyone.

With love,

Amirah.

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Been going through these tough times alone. It's so easy to get distracted by your friends that seem to really study hard during this lockdown. Honestly, I felt quite demotivated sometimes seeing them going higher every day. Not to say that I'm not studying at all, but their fast progression somehow makes me feel bad for myself. I think this is the hard pill to swallow when it comes to studying alone at home; we would always feel everyone is getting better and ourselves are vice versa.

I don't know for other people but for me, I can say that I often think that my friends mesti dah study itu ini. And I'm here, still with my slow progression; which I think it's so dangerous because SPM is 2 months from now. I know that slow progress is still a progression, but I just feel bad somehow because I can't be as fast as them. Maybe it's because of my fault jugak sebab not being that productive. But, can I say that my unproductiveness is because of this feeling as well?

I always say to myself to not put the fault on others but instead, look for ourselves first. I just think that it is not a matured way if we easily put the fault on others rather than ourselves. Personally, for me, if one is matured, they would always search the mistake on themselves first before making any conclusion. It sounds a bit rude if we put the fault on others without looking on our own selves.

In this case, I kind of putting the fault on others, but personally, I think this is a normal feeling to everyone that facing this kind of situation. Studying alone at home, staying home for a long time, not being productive; these are all the thing that brought us to feel unmotivated and not good enough.

It becomes different for some people based on how they handle their feelings and mindset. I admit that it's not easy to handle our feelings to its safe state at this time, but we need to. How?

Just now something came into my mind. I wondered, how did some people make it to be productive at this time? And I realised something. Something that I actually working on right now which is 'ignore'. Honestly, I am trying to not really care about others because everything that I think about them is all just assumptions; that obviously doesn't 100% correct.

When I keep on thinking what are they doing, how are they and all, I am actually making myself feel bad. Which that's the reason why I shouldn't eyeing to people and compare myself with them. But sometimes, the feeling just pops up naturally without even realising it, that eventually makes me in this sorrow feeling.

Positive affirmations and mindset are indeed important right now. I'm worried if I can't handle this situation, I will end up feeling disappointed; just because of me unable to handle myself in a positive way.

But at the same time, I did saw some of them weren't that busy studying. There were some of them that still playing games, watching drama and all. Or maybe it's just me that judging people based on their Whatsapp status uhh smh 💁😔

Well honestly, I shouldn't think this way. If I really wanted to be better, than I should just do it. I shouldn't give any excuse in order to step forward. Even though I am in a 'not-so-good' situation right now, there are a lot more beautiful things that I may overlooked. The word 'grateful for little things' really makes sense right now.

I really hope everyone is having a good day today. Whether you have started the day a bit late, or maybe with a not good routine, there's still time for you to start afresh. To start a day is not only early in the morning.

We all can always start at 12 pm, 2 pm or maybe after Asar prayer. Maybe it sounds a bit weird but I think it's good for us rather than feeling down the whole day just because of the bad morning routine. I hope that we can go through these hard times together and eventually getting stronger than ourselves before.

Don't make this situation as the reason you hate yourself. You should be grateful that you are still strong until now. Love yourself every day, because there's no one who would love you as you love your own selves. 💖

Wishing everyone a blessed & happy day.

Lots of love,

Amirah.

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Aku rasa ramai dikalangan kita, yang ada rasa diri ni useless, rasa diri ni selalu overthinking, rasa serabut gila, stress, rasa macam takde harapan and list goes on, kan? Kalau tak banyak, mesti ada walaupun sikit right? Kalau yang takde rasa macam tu, alhamdulillah lah. But, let me tell you something.

you are not useless.
you are not a burden in this world.
you can achieve your dreams.
you can be a better person!

Believe me, semua orang ada kepentingan kepada dunia ni. Walaupun kau rasa kau takde bakat apa-apa, sebenarnya kau ada. Cuma kau tak cari je. Kalau betullah kau memang takde bakat atau useless, then kenapa kau diciptakan kat dunia ni? Mesti ada sebab. Jadi, janganlah rasa macam tu. Itu perasaan kau je, bukan betul pun. Kau boleh je cipta bakat if kau nak.

Contoh, kau takde bakat dalam subjek Math. But one day, kau cuba buat latihan Math ni. Then tetiba kau rasa suka sikit dengan subjek tu sebab kau dah mula faham konsep. Then, kau cuba buat lagi.

And akhirnya kau memang dah fall in love with the subject. Secara tak langsung, timbul perasaan minat terhadap Math ni. Dari situ, kau boleh jadikan benda yang kau minat ni as bakat. Kau boleh asah & asah bakat kau sampai kau jadi pro. Then, kau boleh beri manfaat melalui bakat ni contohnya dengan jadi cikgu ke, akauntan ke, pensyarah ke, pegawai bank ke, professor ke and lain-lain lagi. And secara tak langsung, kau boleh sara hidup melalui bakat ni. Kan berguna tu?

Cuma yang penting, kita kena pandai control mindset kita. You know what, your mind can control. Kita BOLEH, I repeat, kita BOLEH control mindset kita sama ada nak fikir ke arah positive atau negative. Meh aku jelaskan lebih clear,

"In simple terms, being positive is to intercept our negative thinking as it happens and modify it into something more positive. This doesn't mean that we deny the bad thing that had happened. There is a difference between being positive and being delusional."

from book : Unshakeable, by Aiman Azlan.

Jadi, kalau rasa-rasa fikiran tu ke arah negative, then cuba tukar balik ke arah positive. Kau kan yang control minda kau? So, bawaklah minda kau ke arah positive. Okay, biar aku bagi contoh sikit eh.

Contoh, kawan kau post something yang macam relatable dengan kau. And kau rasa dia macam nak perli kau sebab statement yang dia post tu macam dituju kepada kau. Dia tak mention sesape pun, tapi kau je terasa lebih. So kau pun mulalah sangka yang dia ni mesti nak bagi aku terasa kan.

Pastu dari situ, kau mula fikir makin dalam, dalam, dalam, dalam sampai kau stress. End up, kau dah takde mood nak buat kerja, malas nak geraklah, tetiba baran tak tentu pasal, bad mood & lain-lain. See? Banyak kan kesan dia?

Padahal, kau boleh je anggap benda tu nothing. Waktu kawan kau post statement tu, kau boleh je anggap yang maybe dia post sebab dia nak mention orang lain ke, memang nak post secara umum bagi semua orang tahu ke, atau maybe dia post sebab relatable dengan diri dia sendiri. Kau pun tak boleh lah nak simpulkan apa-apa sebab kau tak tahu apa tujuan dia post benda tu.

Jadi, kat sini kau ada pilihan nak anggap benda tu as positive atau negative. But still, kedua-dua pilihan tu belum tentu betul. Jadi, kalau nak kesan yang baik, fikirlah positive. Tak ada faedah pun kalau fikir negative. Nanti kau jugak yang stress, kan?

Apa-apa je situasi yang kau lalui, kau akan berhadapan dengan pilihan. Tengah main fon, tengah belajar, tengah tengok tv ke, tengah tengok netflix ke, melukis ke, mewarna ke, membaca ke dengar lagu ke, apa-apa je. Kau memang kena buat pilihan & kau berhak buat pilihan. So, pilihlah perkara yang akan beri kesan positive oki 😉.

Image result for positive words pinterest

Kepada sesiapa yang mungkin menghadapi stress, atau mungkin dah nak ke depressed, please love yourself. Kadang-kadang kan, kalau kita selalu fikir negative, overthinking ke arah negative, nanti boleh bawa kepada stress & depression tau. Please, jangan sakiti diri sendiri. Kau sangat berharga. Jangan seksa diri, jangan rasa useless. Bangun, bangkit. Semua orang boleh berjaya, semua orang boleh jadi lebih baik. Masih ada peluang untuk ubah apa yang kau tak nak.

Depression & stress ni sangat berkait dengan mental. Jadi please, jaga mental kita baik-baik. Mental kita ni hebat gila tau. Benda yang kau rasa mustahil untuk jadi, boleh terjadi, bila kau control mind kau betul-betul. Meh aku bagi contoh lagi, hehe.

Aku ada baca dalam buku Unshakeable jugak, ada satu part ni, penulis cerita yang masa tu dia tengah berlari dekat dengan kawasan rumah dia. Pastu dia rasa nak berhenti sebab dia rasa macam dah tak boleh nak teruskan tapi, dia terfikir; dia nak tengok how far he can push himself.

So, dia cakap dengan diri dia, "just a little further, run until you reach that tree in front of you." Pastu dia larilah and dia tak sangka dia dapat lari sampai pokok tu. Pastu dia sambung lagi dengan strategi yang sama, "just a little further, now run until you reach that bridge." Again, dia mampu buat. Then, dia terus ulang strategi yang sama sampailah dia habiskan larian dia.

Eventually, he realized that it wasn't his body that was quitting, it was his mind. His mind was telling him to stop, not his body.

Nampak tak? Our mind is SO POWERFUL. We can control our mind !

So, kalau kita nak sesuatu tu terjadi, cakap dengan diri sendiri & fikir macam mana nak pastikan yang kita dapat buat benda tu. Control our mind.

...

I hope that these can help each one of you. Aku pun masih tak pandai nak bagi tips semua ni, aku hanya berkongsi. Dan aku harap adalah sedikit sebanyak manfaat melalui perkongsian ni. Apa yang aku kongsi ni pun adalah pendapat aku sendiri lepas aku baca buku Unshakeable tu and bahan bacaan lain. Kalau ada yang salah, aku minta maaf. Mungkin aku masih belum matang untuk beri pendapat. Tapi apa-apa pun, yang positive kita ambil, yang negative kita letak tepi oki. ♡

"How you think is how you feel. So if you want to feel better, think better."

- Aiman Azlan

Thank you for reading. See you soon, bye! 🌼

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